To My College Freshman...My Brother

By now you are sitting in your dorm room alone...feeling heavy, feeling nervous, feeling unsure.

And you are probably thinking you don't really want to cry but you are not quite sure what else you are supposed to do. So your eyes are filling with tears and you are staring at the clock wondering how you can take this overwhelming elephant sitting on your chest for a minute longer.

And you almost have to chuckle... because there was a time when you thought moving to college would the best day of your life. You'd have your friends in their backward hats and university t-shirts poured all over your spacious room with bags of chips and video games. There'd be music and girls walking by inviting you to a house party down the street. You thought you'd almost have to pretend to be sad as your family drove away and when they'd close the door you'd scream "FREEDOM!" and the gallery would cheer.

But it is much, much less glamorous than that. You've had to assemble your bed like a lego set, search for the laundry room like a mouse in a maze, send half of what you packed home because your closet is the size of a carry on suitcase and cut your room in half with invisible red tape. You have no idea what direction your one window is facing, or how to react when your RA comes to check in and you are completely unsure how that tiny little fridge will keep you nourished. 

And as your sister, as someone who has been there, and as an academic who has studied your transition, there is so much I want to say to you on this day...but I know you will call me often and there will be many opportunities for me to bestow my wisdom (I can say that because I gray hair, you know) on you. So I leave you this...

Remember when our family moved to Florida eight years ago? We were all feeling pangs of sadness, we were leaving friends, we were nervous about new jobs and schools, and we were unsure of how things would work out. But do you remember what you did the minute we turned the key into our new home? You did not mourn the miles we just drove or the people we'd left behind. As the door opened, you pushed your way through, sprinted through the dining room, kicked off your flip flops passed the kitchen, flung open the sliding glass doors and cannon balled into the pool. Clothes on, sunglasses atop your head, not even looking back. 

I want you to remember that 10 year boy flying through the air and the anticipation you felt before you hit the water...

I know they tell you that college is the time to grow up, and being mature and responsible is essential to your success. But most people get to college and feel like they have to figure it all out, so they spend time trying to organize and make sense of the madness. You have to realize that the discomfort of uncertainty during your next four years (and some time after) is the most liberating emotion. You can do and learn and experience and embrace anything if you are comfortable not knowing where it leads. It is a time to find that inner child who did not worry about controlling everything, who was okay with the unknown, who would literally dive right in at the unveiling of a new life.

I want you to remember the 10 year boy flying through the air and the anticipation you felt before you hit the water...because your journey through college is much like that anticipation. You have chosen to leap forward, so now is not the time to wonder if the water is too cold, or if your entrance will hurt, or if you'll be able to come back up for air, or if you'll be in trouble, or if you'll regret this later...now is not the time. Because you will eventually hit the water an all those questions will begin to be answered.

Now is the time to soar. To enjoy. To relish is selfishness of having nothing to focus on but yourself cannon balling through the air. Your college experience will mimic those few seconds between your feet leaving the cement and your splash into the pool. Don't waste the moments in anticipation trying to figure it all out, because in the end you'll learn that the not knowing is the sweetest pleasure. 

When you started your first day of school in Florida, I wrote you a note. I knew you were feeling heavy, feeling nervous, feeling unsure. It was much less profound as this one and I knew when you found it hidden in your notebook, I'd be at home watching Dawson's Creek. So I only find it fitting to leave you with this quote.

"Your whole life is about to change in a way that it will never be the same again, you are opening a new chapter, and you have to give the proper goodbye to the old one. You don't want to miss these moments, even the sad ones, because you'll never get them back again. So enjoy this time, let it wash over you so that your memories are strong." 

And when you are feeling confused or lost, I want you to remember the 10 year boy flying through the air and the anticipation you felt before you hit the water...or just call me so I can remind you.

I am so excited for you. You will do great things.